Monday, November 26, 2007

Coaching Carousel Begins

I hope everyone had a very happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday. Now we approach that time of year where colleges and universities go through the time honored tradition of purging their athletic departments of defective football coaching staffs. It's as much a part of December as white lights, dradles, and final exams. We here at the Sports Kolache (and by "we", I mean basically me, Sean Thomas Pendergast) will be watching the coaching carousel closely throughout the coming weeks and bringing you copious updates on all of the tomfoolery.

A few observations on the heels of the first few coaching transactions:


With Lloyd Carr retiring at Michigan last Monday, all focus has been on LSU's Les Miles as his possible successor. The possibility of Les leaving bayou country so moved the Tiger faithful that they organized a "March for Miles" last Wednesday, with a few thousand of Louisiana's finest delusional, purple clad freaks walking Les to his weekly talk show at Walk-On's in a show of support.

Forty-eight hours later, after Darren McFadden was finished marching through the LSU defense like the Germans through the Champs Elysee, LSU fans felt a little differently.


A good weekend in Aggieland as the Agro's get a win over the Longhorns and Coach Fran's resignation. Nice exacta!! (Degenerate side bar - how much would the "deposed coach getting an improbable win" money line parlay have paid out with Fran and Houston Nutt on Saturday? $100 would've paid around $1500. Of course, the temptation to mix in Callahan and go for the big payout would've killed the whole thing. What's my point? I'm a degenerate, that's my point.)

Say hello to your new coach, Aggie Fan! Sherman ..... SHERMAN!!! WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!


Unfortunately for Ole Miss head ball coach Ed Orgeron, the hot Rebel co-eds were not deciding his fate, because we all know that if they were, Coach O would be getting a five year extension. I'm truly hopeful that Ole Miss' firing of Coach FOOTBAW doesn't mean that we have seen the last of him. I'm sure he'll land somewhere, but I think I speak for Youtube viewers everywhere when I say it better happen sooner rather than later. YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW YAAAW..... YAW YAW ..... FIRED!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

FOR SALE - Charming 5 BR, 4.5 Bath on 15 acres!

Well, it's official. Michael Vick's 15 acre Virginia estate will be going up for auction on December 15th. In case you haven't seen it. Here it is...

That little area inside the white circle is the dogfighting compound. I point this out because if you've ever been looking to own a home with a dogfighting compound, this just may be the home for you! Anyone who knows jack shit about real estate knows that it makes a lot more fiscal sense to buy a home with an existing dogfighting compound than to go ahead and put in a brand new dogfighting compound. I mean, even the nicest new dogfighting compounds lose half their value within the first year after they're built.

Also, if you end up buying this home, make sure you get the home warranty thrown in as part of the deal. There's nothing more frustrating than buying a new home and having the canine electrocution machines start to malfunction in the first month.

You too can operate your own dogfighting ring [100% Injury Rate]

Stone Cold Bloggin', 11/20/07

JoePa could use LifeCall.

Some links if you're looking to waste some time:
  • Several people who are NOT master of their domain. [Dailymotion]
  • A long overdue feature - tracking Dick Vitale's verbal diarrhea. [Awful Announcing]
  • It's Christmas shopping season. Buy A-Rod's used nuthuggers for that special someone. [Deadspin]
  • Apparently, there's a method to winning Monopoly that involves hording the railroads. Who knew? [Amnesta]
  • A-Rod is a great American. Not really. [Sons of Sam Malone]
  • An outstanding breakdown of the Heisman trophy race with the candidates as Pulp fiction characters. [Cake Rocks the Party]

Friday, November 16, 2007

A-Rod Begs For Forgiveness

This is the thing I hate about baseball.

To recap, Scott Boras and Alex Rodriguez orchestrated one of the most ill-conceived attempts to break the bank in the history of team sports. A-Rod opts out of baseball's richest contract with baseball's most storied franchise, leaving $72M on the table and leaving the Yankees $21M lighter in the wallet (a subsidy from the Texas Rangers that required A-Rod to actually be a Yankee for them to collect it). Adding dishonesty to arrogance, he cites the uncertainty of the futures of Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, and Andy Pettitte as the reasons he is opting out, thus completely ignoring the real reason (cue "cash register ringing" wav file). A-Rod then sends Boras, who may or may not be Satan (we're still working on this one), out into the baseball wilderness with a bunch of graphs, charts and Powerpoint presentations to pitch to his potential audience (at the time believed to include the Mets, Cubs, Dodgers, and Angels) why The Chosen One is worth $350M over the next 10 years. Only one problem -- the potential audience actually consisted of one team. The team he left at the altar a couple of weeks ago -- the jilted Yankees.

So once the Powerpoint presentations to baseball's richest franchises not named the Yankees were all finished (to the rousing sound of crickets chirping), Scott Boras and A-Rod realized their worst nightmare. "Holy shit, there's no $35M/yr market for a lamb-killing diva whose testes shrink into his abdomen when the calendar turns to October!" (Let alone the $30M/yr the Yankees had been willing to offer A-Rod in a multi-year extension just before he opted out of his deal). So A-Rod did the only thing he could do, swallow his pride, plant his tail between his legs, and go back to the Yankees, knowing full well that the Yankees would still probably offer $5M more/yr than any other suitor. You see, if "Bidding against Yourself" were an Olympic sport, the Yankees would be Mark Spitz and Eric Heiden rolled into one (see Rivera, Mariano, proposal to; OR see Posada, Jorge, signing of). A-Rod was also ordered to leave Boras at home, kind of like when a company is ordered by a client to change the sales rep on their account. "Sure Alex, we'll meet with you, but leave the beady eyed sales guy with the faux combover at the office. Bring the hot chick instead." (Note: It's worth mentioning that Alex's wife seemed to be heavily involved in this process, perhaps smelling a future divorce settlement.)

The fact of the matter is that I don't think anyone (other than the team who wound up with A-Rod) was going to offer A-Rod anywhere close to the $27.5M he wound up signing for. A-Rod and Boras grossly miscalculated his worth. There is no doubt that Alex Rodriguez is the best regular season player in baseball. But is it really worth paying him $30M when that can fetch you a decent third basemen and two good arms? Especially when A-Rod seems to do his best work in the middle of August against the Royals and the Devil Rays? When the score is 9-2? Boras really thought that other baseball teams wouldn't see this? It's one thing to have a "devil may care" attitude when you're signing Ted Lilly to a $10M/yr deal; it's another thing entirely when you have to scratch out $350M to one player AND that player has a history of postseason failure AND that player is seen by many as a phony and a prima donna. There's really only one team with the combination of money, stupidity, and history with A-Rod to pull this off -- and they got him.

One very underrated subplot amidst the A-Rod signing is the foreshadowing of how much fun it's going to be to watch the Brothers Steinbrenner run the Bronx Bombers (into the ground?) these next few decades. This from Yankees senior VP Hank Steinbrenner:
"... and if an agent gets out of line or makes bad decisions, then that's going to hurt the player. And obviously, that's one of the things that happened here."
So it would appear that Hank thinks Boras' decision to go for more money was miscalculated and wrong. (Before the Yankees came along to bail Boras and A-Rod out, I didn't disagree. No one else would've paid A-Rod anywhere near $27.5M per year.) But when it was suggested the Yankees overpaid to re-sign A-Rod, Hank goes into crazy spin mode, saying that there were others out there who would've paid more than the Yankees:
"There are a few cynics who say, 'Well, he really couldn't get this there.' Trust me, he would have gotten probably more. He is making a sacrifice to be a Yankee, there's no question. ... He showed what was really in his heart and what he really wanted."
So let me get this straight, Hank. You think A-Rod was given bad advice by Scott Boras. This bad advice consisted of Boras telling A-Rod to opt out of the last three years of his contract because he felt A-Rod could make more than he was going to make in those three years under his then-current deal ($24M/yr, by the way). Yet according to you, Hank, there were many other teams out there who would've paid more than the $27.5M which A-Rod eventually got from you. (Let's not even get into how he eventually wound up making more money from the Yankees themselves.) So how exactly was this bad advice, Hank? I mean, A-Rod and Boras didn't get the $35M/yr they wanted, but thanks to you, Hank, A-Rod did get a sizable raise and assurance that he'd get paid into his 40's, not to mention a bunch of bonuses tied to revenue increases centered around his chase of the all-time home run record held by "he who shall not be named".

If we're scoring at home, here's how all of the luminaries involved in this signing grade out:

SCOTT BORAS: The deal finally gets done when he is very publicly removed from the negotiations. His misfire on A-Rod's market value and his door-to-door sales approach reinforce the world's hatred of diabolical sports agents. Presumably, he does still get his commission, but his "Boras gets what he wants" aura takes a major hit. Survey says? LOSER

They have to foot the bill for all of this over the next 10 years, and are setting a nice precedent of paying players well over market value into their 40's. This should be fun to watch. Mitigating factor is that they are rich, however that is more than canceled out by the fact that they look like their old man. No amount of money is worth that. Survey says? LOSERS

FANS: The front office of their favorite team has just ensured them that they will not win a World Series until at least 2018, which means that there will be teenage offspring of Yankees fans very soon who start to go through the same "will the Yankees ever win a World Series in my lifetime?" paranoia that I went through as a Red Sox fan in the 1980's. This makes me very happy. Survey says? LOSERS

Gets $27.5M over the next 10 years, a 15% raise over what he was slated to make in 2008, 2009, and 2010, despite sucking in the postseason, having the personality of a twice baked potato, and wearing purple lipstick when it gets cold outside. Survey says? WINNER

Yeah, this is the thing I hate about baseball.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

THAT'S Gonna Leave a Mark

Please turn your attention to Ruvell Martin's crotch. This is just wrong. If any of you have any information that could lead us to the apprehension and conviction of the owner of the mystery right hand, please leave it in the Comments section so we can forward it to the Green Bay police and the FBUH (Federal Bureau of Unwanted Handjobs).

Godspeed and thank you.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Best Ringtone Ever

I think one of the truly great inventions of our time is the ability to make our cell phones ring with customized sounds. I mean, who would have thought it would be so much fun to have Steven A. Smith screaming "SLAVA MEDVENDENKO" over and over again any time one of my boys calls me? Certainly, not I.

If you haven't done so yet, I highly encourage getting your free 1560 The Game ringtones. Check them all out here. (You'll need to register for a Myxer account, but it's free and fast and worth it.)

My personal favorite ringtone is this one. Here's a hint as to what it is.....

(Not sure why Dikembe was adding a guy named "Tony" to the "John and Lance" show. We didn't ask him to say "Tony", we have no one at the station named "Tony". Granato looks a little like a Tony, but that's about it. As for Deke calling our station "666 The Game", clearly this is a subliminal message that he thinks we are Satan. And truth be told, he may be right.)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Weekend Thoughts 11/11/07

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and that those of you who were able to partake in Juegopalooza managed to shake off the rust in time to take in all of the football action. As I type this, I am sitting at the Buffalo Wild Wings in midtown (taking in the Gametime show with David Nuno on 1560 The Game) with two big screens in front of me. On one screen, Green Bay Packer RB Ryan Grant is running over various Minnesota Vikings on his way to a touchdown this afternoon and on another screen is a highlight of Illinois coach Ron Zook getting the Gatorade bath after the Illini's 28-21 upset over #1 ranked Ohio State.

Understand that if someone had bet you at this time in 2004 that either of these things would ever occur, let alone both on the same weekend, you would have gotten odds of roughly 1,000,000,000,000 to 1. You see, at this time in 2004, Ryan Grant was a backup RB on a somewhat brutal Notre Dame football team (as opposed to the otherworldly brutal current version) who was about as elusive as a Winnebago and who would go down half the time after minimal to no contact. It was also about this time in 2004 that the Zooker was getting run out of Gainesville in favor of wunderkind Urban Meyer (and rightfully so) and was a mere few weeks away from thanking folks for the kind welcome at his introduction presser at the "University of ILLINOISE". (Yes, the Zooker pronounced the silent "s" at the end of Illinois.) And now one of them is the starting RB for an 8-1 NFL team, and the other one is going to be coaching in a New Year's Day bowl game.

And the scary thing is that these things rank only as #541 and #767 respectively on the list of unlikely occurrences that have actually happened this football season.

Other thoughts from the weekend.....


Go ahead and count me among the believers in Mark Mangino and the Kansas Jayhawks. What a contrast between those two teams last night in Stillwater. Kansas was able to minimize penalties (3 for 18 yards for the game) and protect the football (no turnovers), while Oklahoma State played with a lack of discipline that you would expect from a team coached by a guy who has a propensity to become a bit unhinged sometimes -- poor tackling, untimely penalties, four turnovers, and a seemingly insatiable need to talk shit to their Jayhawk counterparts after every four yard catch. In short, one team played smart and the other one played stupid. And yes, Mike Gundy, I realize that I am writing this about children who have mothers -- mothers who probably have my blog bookmarked in their Netvibes, and that now you hope that my kids come home crying because they're fat, or something like that. Yes, I realize that I am crap ... and that the administrator of Google who allowed me to register my blog is crap. And you are 40. And a man. A man who coaches a team that should be 8-2 right now, but instead is 5-5. But a man nonetheless.

Now, you have to wonder about Kansas and where they deserve to be if they win out. Right now, it would seem that on the heels of this weekend with Ohio State losing, the best they can hope for right now is a #3 BCS ranking behind LSU and Oregon. I would contend that if that Kansas is able to win out the rest of the way (including the Big XII title game), and LSU and Oregon win out as well, that the Jayhawks would deserve to leapfrog one of them (likely Oregon) and go to the BCS title game. The reasons behind my rationale:
  1. Going undefeated through the Big 12 this season is an accomplishment that deserves to be rewarded. Kansas will have taken care of all their business this season, while LSU and Oregon (and everyone else in BCS conferences will not have).

  2. If the polls had Ohio State as such an overwhelming #1 before their loss to Illinois, it would seem logical that Kansas, with a resume that would include a comparable schedule at this point to Ohio State's PLUS wins over likely top ten teams in Missouri and Oklahoma (Big XII title game), would deserve a ranking in the top two.

At this point, Kansas is being penalized somewhat for a weak non-conference schedule but moreso for "being Kansas" and starting the season outside the polls (and, in turn, being forced to play leapfrog over teams in front of them). The fact of the matter is also when you look at this Kansas team, they just don't look like a Top 3 team. I don't mean that as an insult, they just don't have nearly the number of athletes that pass the "eyeball test" as do LSU or even Oregon (or Oklahoma State, for that matter). I mean, Brandon McAnderson just doesn't look like a big time college RB. Joe Mortensen doesn't look like a starting middle LB for an undefeated Big XII team. But it works. Because the Jayhawks don't beat themselves and they play with a chip on thier shoulder. And they have a coach who is fat and, therefore, merry. Most of the time anyway. There was that one time he wasn't merry....

But we can forgive that. I've said many times, I like college football more when the traditionally elite programs are the ones vying for the big prize. But I have to say, a BCS game involving Kansas intrigues me. And it's always more fun when the token fat guy is at the party. At least that's what I gather from the number of times I've arrived at parties and people tell me how badly the party sucked until I got there.


And while the Kansases and Illinoises of the world continue their assault on college football's upper echelon, some traditional powers continue to stumble. If you didn't see it, the University of Miami turned out the lights on the Orange Bowl this weekend, but not before the Virginia Cavaliers decided to show up at the party and drink all of the Canes' beer, eat all of their food, and deflower all of their lady folk. Wow, what a way to close the OB. I couldn't help but take some pleasure in watching the Cavs have their way with the Canes (to the tune of 48-0), seeing as "da U" and they're band of thugs (who doubled as really good football players back in the day) was directly responsible for many hours of therapy during my childhood and collegiate years, culminating with this. The building itself, though, was haunted. As you can tell from this clip, the Canes didn't even need to be present for the OB to suck worse than a torn groin muscle for a Notre Dame fan.

Anyway, while the OB was a cradle of spine-tingling memories for many college football, NFL, and Ashlee Simpson fans, by all accounts it was falling apart at the seams (Mike Patrick actually called it a "dump" during his broadcast last night on ESPN, presumably when he wasn't waxing poetic about Britney Spears) so good riddance, OB! Don't let the wrecking ball hit you in the ass on the way out!

Question though -- is Lamar Thomas going to be as protective of the Canes new house?


Let me first say that I am a Notre Dame graduate, and I like Charlie Weis. I think he is a good and generous man, a fine representative of the University of Notre Dame, and by all accounts one of the hardest workers in the college football head coaching business. While I wasn't shouting from the rooftops in 2004 for the university to fire Tyrone Willingham, I did think it was a very defendable move and had no problem with it. Anyone who followed the program any closer than watching highlights (the few that there were) in 2004 knows that the direction of the program was headed decidedly downward with Willingham. Recruiting was at an all-time nadir (which is manifesting itself in part this season), talent was not being developed, and Willingham was steadfast in his refusal to make changes to his coaching staff, most notably his bizarre desire to keep offensive coordinator Bill Diedrick, whose idea of "creative playcalling" consisted of fifteen bubble screens per game. Notre Dame was not going to ever get near a BCS bowl with Tyrone Willingham as their coach -- not in 2005 nor 2006 (when they did make BCS bowls with Weis) nor any other season. Never, ever, ever. I will debate this with anyone who would like to do so.

Now, all of that said, what's happening on the field in South Bend this season is a complete and utter disgrace. I don't care if you have junior and senior classes full of two-star and three-star recruits. At Notre Dame, you should not be losing to service academies at home in November. Period. Not in 2007, not ever. We hear a lot about how young this Notre Dame team is, and it's true. A sizable portion of their two deep on both sides of the ball consist of freshmen and sophomores; not coincidentally, most of the raw talent on this team is in those classes as well. (For what it's worth, Weis currently has the #1 recruiting class in the country for next season as well.) However, youth is not an excuse for the number of missed assignments on the offensive line -- not this late in the season against inferior athletes. Youth is not an excuse for putting the ball on the ground a ridiculous number of times; last I checked, they didn't start teaching ball security in college. I do believe there are high school and Pop Warner teams that work on this skill in practice. Understanding the snap count would seem to require mere listening and counting skills, yet watching this ND offensive line you'd think it required a masters degree as well.

Weis has shown he can recruit. He's also shown that he can take experienced talent and show them the way (the Quinn/Samardzija led teams in 2005 and 2006). However, he hasn't shown he can develop young talent. That's on Weis and his staff and has nothing to do with Willingham. The team is 1-9 right now, and I'm guessing they're not done losing yet. Unlike Willingham, I don't expect Weis to stand pat. He's already shown he'll make changes when he let Rick Minter go this past winter, and he hired Corwin Brown as his defensive coordinator. Expect more changes. The question is how damaged is this group's psyche now? And how many of the recruits will jump ship? (None yet, but it's early.) Weis' recruiting and ability to sell the school have bought him time. But there are some serious chinks in the armor now. The clock is ticking....


  • Maybe the best Tom Cruise impersonation ever. [I Am Bored]
  • In case anyone was wondering whose huddle it is in Boston now.... [YouTube]
  • If Mike Gundy were to channel his inner Al Roker. [Wizard of Odds]

Friday, November 9, 2007

It's Juegopalooza Friday!

Our sincere thanks to everyone who made it out to Juegopalooza on Friday at Nick's Place. Thanks to you, our listeners, and the deadly combination of your money and your alcoholism, Nick's Place had it's second highest grossing day of all-time! Now that's some serious drinking! You should all be very, very proud (and very, very hung over). Thanks again to everyone!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Stone Cold Bloggin', 11/07/07

Seven links and seven vids for all you kids out there on a lazy Wednesday night.... like Coach Mangino, pick one!


  • What do you get when you allow plumbers, salespeople, washed up athletes, and the homeless to decide the fate of the BCS? Why, the Harris Poll of course! Who is your favorite pollster? [Epic Carnival]
  • Trev Alberts picked Alabama this past weekend. He was wrong. He admits to being "dumb". He is right. [CSTV]
  • A reminder that baseball writers sometimes are not very smart. Undeserving MVP's. [Vegas Watch]
  • Pick the Worst Sports Announcer, March Madness bracket style. And please, please, PLEASE vote for Chris Berman!!! [Awful Announcing]
  • John Harris and I were wondering why anyone would pay A-Rod $30M when they could probably lock up Miggy Cabrera for half that. We're not alone [The Big Lead]
  • Kige Ramsey has a plan to make America powerful again. It's time we all sat up and listened. [Bottomless Chips]
  • QUALITY CRAPPER READING ALERT! A preview of every free agent in baseball this offseason. [Cake Rocks The Party]


  • Auburn DC Will Muschamp is going to be a hot name when coaching jobs open up in the next month. Note to AD's - he likes to work blue....

  • ... 0f course, Will Muschamp is no Iron Sheik. Even Andrew "Dice" Clay thinks that the Iron Sheik is a little over the top with the twelve, ten, and four letter bombs.

  • It should be noted that when the Iron Sheik takes a break from calling people mean names, that he does have thoughts on Tom Cruise and Hillary Clinton.

  • In memory of the recently departed Fabulous Moolah, here's a women's battle royal from WWF TV circa 1985. Wrestling has made many advancements over the last 20 years, but without a doubt I feel the most signifcant one is the shift in aesthetics of the female participants. In 1985, the average female wrestler was a 55 year old, 200 LB, chain smoking tranny. In 2007, the average female wrestler is a 22 year old bikini model who is considered a failure if they haven't been in Playboy by their second year in the business. Enjoy.

  • Speaking of Playboy, this might be the hottest weather reporter I've ever seen. Ken Hoffman, if you're reading this, please get her on your show.....

  • Speaking of weather women, how's this for grace under pressure? And who is the marketing genius that comes up with the "WHIZ Storm Team"?

  • This week's sign that we as a country have too much time on our hands -- this video has over 15 MILLION views. The last 20 seconds are scarier than any horror film you've ever seen.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Daniel Larusso Turns 46, A Tribute

(DISCLAIMER: Yes, I realize November 4, 2007, marks the 46th birthday of Ralph Macchio, the actor who played Daniel Larusso, but let's face it -- Macchio is known for one thing. It's not his role as Jeremy "Jump the Shark" Andretti in "Eight is Enough", it's not his stirring performance as Eddie Pilikian in "Teachers", nor is it his unthinkable return to the big screen in 1992 as Billy Gambini in "My Cousin Vinny". No, Ralph Macchio is Daniel Larusso; Daniel Larusso is Ralph Macchio. The two are inextricably linked. And therefore, when it comes time to pay tribute to the genius that is Macchio, I shall forego all of his peripheral thespian feats and honor the most unlikely bad ass of all time -- Daniel-san.)


And with those six magical words, Daniel Larusso channeled his inner Willis Reed and a hero was born. Perhaps the most unlikely hero since a whiny little bitch named Luke Skywalker managed to save a galaxy far, far away from Sith-induced peril. I will always remember where I was when Daniel-san's foot of fury introduced itself to the jaw of Johnny Lawrence, thus blowing up the karate Death Star that was the Cobra Kai. (I was in a movie theater somewhere in Connecticut, probably eating something.) It was one of the seminal sports moments of the 1980's, right up there with Danny Noonan knocking down the putt at Bushwood and Rocky Balboa recapturing heavyweight gold from Clubber Lang. I mean, mere moments before the crane kick, Larusso was being fitted for a body bag, for crying out loud!

As if life didn't deal him a bad enough hand by making him unathletic and somewhat effeminate, it always seemed as though Daniel-san tried to inject a degree of difficulty into everything he did, like God was handing out style points that he could somehow use as currency later on in life. Examples of "Dan-sanity" (Daniel-san meets insanity):

- After enduring several beatdowns at the hand of Cobra Kai, D-san decides that revenge is a dish best served wet and drops a running hose into a bathroom stall where Johnny Lawrence is toking up some hippy lettuce. This of course leads to all five Cobra Kai chasing him down and laying a beatdown on him. Shockingly, D-san was unable to get to a full sprint in the ultra-clumsy"walking shower" get up that Mr. Miyagi concocted for him. (Why not try and escape them with a piano on your back next time, Daniel-san?) Fortunately, Miyagi atoned for his horrific costume-inventing skills by plundering all five Cobra Kai before they put D-san into a coma.

- Daniel-san gives Miyagi's house an entire home makeover at no charge under the guise of "this is teaching me about karate". Very believable. Of course, without this plot element, "wax on wax off" fails to become part of the American male lexicon, which would have been a shame.

- Daniel-san somehow managed to almost get to second base with Elisabeth Shue despite the following:

  1. His best friend is a 70-something janitor who speaks in one word grunts of broken English.

  2. He routinely gets his ass kicked at school. We're talking like daily.

  3. He's a dead ringer for the chick in "Just One of the Guys" after she cut her hair and dressed up like a gay dude.

  4. His mom drives him on dates.

  5. His mom drives a car that makes Clark Griswold's family truckster look like a BMW 7 series.

  6. He dresses like like he just got done valet parking cars at Maggiano's (complete with white on white outfit and red windbreaker).

- When offered a chance to choose a free car from a row of cars in his backyard by Miyagi, Daniel-san chooses the one that is the same color as Big Bird on Sesame Street. Of course, he does.

(It's worth noting here that I would pay big bucks for an exclusive interview with the character of Mrs. Larusso. Among the questions I'd ask her would be "Did it ever concern you that your son might be getting molested by a 70-something janitor when the old man (a) decided to give your son a free car, (b) decided to teach your son karate at no charge, (c) managed to convince your son to do menial household chores for a few weeks as part of said training, and (d) seemingly has no other friends (and your son doesn't either)? Just wondering." Alng those lines, I think this picture says it all...)

"Daniel-san, now do sand the floor."

But in the end, no matter what obstacles life put in his way (or that he decided to put in his own way just for fun), Daniel-san would inexplicably beat the odds. In the end, he got the girl, he got the trophy, and he got the canary yellow convertible sled. (Fortunately, Karate Kid II restores some semblance of order when we find out Ali (Elisabeth Shue) broke up with him at the prom and crashed the Mello Yello Mobile.)

So on this glorious day, D-san, we honor you ... Happy 46th birthday! And BANZAI!!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

On My Signal, Unleash Hell

Welcome to my new online home! You can leave your shoes on, just be sure to wipe your feet. All righty then, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Sean Pendergast. You may remember me from such films as "Venison: The Other Red Meat" and "Who The Hell Ate The Last Donut?" My current occupation is "Talk Show Host, 1560 The Game KGOW", which if you clicked over from the "Blogs" menu of the station's website ( and/or listen to my show from 2-6PM on weekdays, you already know.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with 1560 The Game, we are Houston's newest sports talk station. 50,000 watts of unbridled enthusiasm! Monday through Friday, I host the afternoon drive time show alongside a fellow named John Harris who is best known for the following:

(a) being very smart (graduated from Brown University in1994)
(b) being very knowledgeable about sports (John can recite the name, birth date, and favorite anabolic steroid of every baseball MVP in order since 1975)
(c) moonlighting as a Jonathan Lipnicky lookalike on weekends

Here is a picture of me and Mr. Harris in the press box at the LSU-Virginia Tech game earlier this season (drum roll please, as I get to use these new fangled blog commands to insert a picture for the very first time ..... you can cut the electricity in the air with a KNIFE, MEAN GENE!) :

Wow, I am no longer a picture uploading virgin! Someone get me a cigarette. I hope it was as good for all of you as it was for me! In fact, it was so much fun for me, I'm gonna do it some more! LOTS MORE! As much as I can! By God, I'm a picture posting whore!!

Staying with the LSU trip, check this out. These are the name tags for me, John Harris, and our production guru Frank Bullington (a/k/a Frankie the Bull). Yes, it says "Season Pendergast". Season?!? Sounds like a name that a lazy mom would give to her stripper daughter. "Should I name her 'Autumn'? How about 'Summer'? Ah, screw it, I can't decide. I'll just call her 'Season'. Now go make it rain, my little angel!!"

This picture posting thing is AWESOME!!! Hey, here is the Schlotsky's Deli sign I drove into with a UHAUL the first day I moved back to Houston!

How about that, kids? Just remember the old adage, when you're driving a twenty foot high vehicle, it means you're driving a twenty foot high vehicle. Don't you forget it.

Hey, how about another one? Here is the driver side window of my car on the SECOND day after I moved back to Houston! (Some frisky young ragamuffins decided to break into my car in broad daylight and steal my laptop, watch and iPod! Those little rascals!!!) Yes, for a period of time, I was averaging one insurance claim per day after moving back to Houston. I think I'm the one guy Geico couldn't help save 15% or more on my car insurance.

(Hey now watch me wrap text around a picture! DIG ME!) Now for those of you who wonder what it's like to have a career in radio, well, as soon as my career runs longer than a few months, I'll let you know. Because you see, here's the thing - neither John Harris nor myself ever hosted our own radio show before we landed this gig in the summer of 2007. That's right, thousands of broadcasting school grads working graveyard shifts in "metro areas" like Utica, NY and Billings, MT, and Johnny and I bully our way right to the front of the line in Houston. Is there no justice in this world?

How did this happen? Well, as soon as I figure it out I'll tell you. You see, Johnny had been a mild mannered accountant by day, and a nationwide college football expert by night (and during breaks between debits, credits, and pondered suicide attempts at Ernst and Young), writing for and appearing on radio shows nationwide as a college football expert.

And me? Well, by day I'd been a mild mannered sales guy for various telecom companies, which is not quite as boring as it sounds, but certainly doesn't make you the center of attention at any Super Bowl parties. However, along the way I managed to become friendly with the right people (good people, by the way) in Houston, made a bunch of wisecracks, dabbled a bit in radio, and won five Smack-offs on the Jim Rome Show. Kids, if you want a career in radio, I'm not sure if I would follow this blueprint, but it worked for me.

So now, here I am, and I'm not going back. I'm at a radio station doing what I've always wanted to do with some of my best friends. In fact, in conjunction with the advent of my new blog, one of them (Lance Zierlein) returns to the airwaves today with longtime partner John Granato! The best Houston sports talk duo is back on the air from 7-11 weekday mornings, and not a moment too soon (echoing the sentiments of many Houston sports fans who have endured John-and-Lanceless mornings for far too long now).

In the few months I've been on the air, I have many stories to tell (which I will tell in time). I am now the 10th ranked kolache eater in the world. I'm one half of the TASW tag team champions. I've interviewed Corey Haim, and I've met Nick Van Exel. Can I now die in peace? Probably. With my love of fried foods, frankly we'll likely find out soon enough. But along the way, you can check back here at the Sports Kolache for some opinions, views, and a very light hearted, self-deprecating look at the life of a middle aged guy who is finally enjoying coming into work each day.