Z Report Draft Show - Episode II

In case you haven't had a chance to listen yet, I am co-hosting a weekly NFL Draft Preview show with my good friends Lance Zierlein and John Harris called the Z Report NFL Draft Show (named after Lance's Z Report blog, which is linked to this here blog). Below you can find the podcast for last week's show. If you live in the Houston area or stream our station on the internet, you can hear the Z Report NFL Draft Show on 1560 The Game at 6:00 Central Time on Thursdays.

Tuna Era Begins in Miami

The Bill Parcells Era is underway in Miami, and the Tuna has begun the necessary deconstruction that will proceed the reconstruction of this once proud franchise (and frankly, if anyone has caught Mercury Morris' act in the last few months, you might argue too proud franchise). Like any good builder, Tuna is going to be required to tear down the entire infrastructure of this 1-15 crack house before building the 10 bedroom palatial estate. Therefore, exit Randy Mueller as GM and exit Cam Cameron as head coach.

Cam Cameron's ouster makes his act at last year's Dolphin draft party all the more laughable. Remember his unveiling of the Ted Ginn, Jr. selection?



If I may transcribe (my comments in italics):

CAM: "Good afternoon everybody! Hey, we gotta get that thumb to go this direction ... [gives thumbs up sign to fans presumably giving the thumbs down sign]"

(Uh Cam, those aren't thumbs they're raising at you .... )

"Let me tell you about the young man we just drafted .... he's a young man named Ted Ginn, Jr., and we drafted the Ginn family. I've known this family for over ten years. I've watched this young man for a long time."

("We drafted the Ginn family" has got to be one of the most underrated idiotic quotes of all time. You drafted the Ginn family? Really Cam? So what is Ginn, Sr's 40 time? Can Ted Ginn's aunt bring the heat off the edge? How well does his 9 year old cousin run between the tackles? I've been a Steeler fan my whole life and I can honestly say that I don't even care if the guys the Steelers draft even have families. Yeesh, it took this long to fire this guy? He should've been capped on draft day!)

"You're gonna be thrilled every time you watch him as a punt returner, because he's gonna be a great returner for us."

(Yep, they spent the 9th overall pick on a return specialist. To Ginn's credit, he was 29th in kickoff return average and 6th in punt return average. YAY!!!!)

"Ted Ginn and his family will give us everything they have, I promise you that...."

(At this point it was getting tough to transcribe amidst the chants of "BRADY! BRADY! BRADY!" but I think Cameron was once again selling us on Ginn's family, perhaps even mentioning Ted's grandmother's lasagna and having movie night over at Ted's house.)

"I would say this, we're gonna put together a draft class....that's gonna make you proud."

(John Beck ... Lorenzo Booker ... and a couple guys from Hawaii ... awesome.)

So the Cameron Era is over. We raise our glasses to the near perfection of 1-15 and turn our attention to the future. Who will the Tuna select to fill Cameron's microscopic shoes? Well, I'll leave this one to the no-nonsense reporting of Kige Ramsey/Youtube Sports ....




Yeah, yeah I know Kige said "Tony Soprano". Many of the comments below his video indicate he meant "Tony Sparano" of the Cowboys. I beg to differ. I think he did mean Tony Soprano, and that when he said "Maurice Carthon" he meant to say "Michael Corleone". Kige is a visionary who likely sees some value in having fictitious mobsters run the Dolphins. Let's face it, it can't be any worse than Cam Cameron.

THAT'S Gonna Leave a Mark

Please turn your attention to Ruvell Martin's crotch. This is just wrong. If any of you have any information that could lead us to the apprehension and conviction of the owner of the mystery right hand, please leave it in the Comments section so we can forward it to the Green Bay police and the FBUH (Federal Bureau of Unwanted Handjobs).

Godspeed and thank you.

Weekend Thoughts 11/11/07

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and that those of you who were able to partake in Juegopalooza managed to shake off the rust in time to take in all of the football action. As I type this, I am sitting at the Buffalo Wild Wings in midtown (taking in the Gametime show with David Nuno on 1560 The Game) with two big screens in front of me. On one screen, Green Bay Packer RB Ryan Grant is running over various Minnesota Vikings on his way to a touchdown this afternoon and on another screen is a highlight of Illinois coach Ron Zook getting the Gatorade bath after the Illini's 28-21 upset over #1 ranked Ohio State.

Understand that if someone had bet you at this time in 2004 that either of these things would ever occur, let alone both on the same weekend, you would have gotten odds of roughly 1,000,000,000,000 to 1. You see, at this time in 2004, Ryan Grant was a backup RB on a somewhat brutal Notre Dame football team (as opposed to the otherworldly brutal current version) who was about as elusive as a Winnebago and who would go down half the time after minimal to no contact. It was also about this time in 2004 that the Zooker was getting run out of Gainesville in favor of wunderkind Urban Meyer (and rightfully so) and was a mere few weeks away from thanking folks for the kind welcome at his introduction presser at the "University of ILLINOISE". (Yes, the Zooker pronounced the silent "s" at the end of Illinois.) And now one of them is the starting RB for an 8-1 NFL team, and the other one is going to be coaching in a New Year's Day bowl game.

And the scary thing is that these things rank only as #541 and #767 respectively on the list of unlikely occurrences that have actually happened this football season.

Other thoughts from the weekend.....

ROCK, CHALK, MANGINO!

Go ahead and count me among the believers in Mark Mangino and the Kansas Jayhawks. What a contrast between those two teams last night in Stillwater. Kansas was able to minimize penalties (3 for 18 yards for the game) and protect the football (no turnovers), while Oklahoma State played with a lack of discipline that you would expect from a team coached by a guy who has a propensity to become a bit unhinged sometimes -- poor tackling, untimely penalties, four turnovers, and a seemingly insatiable need to talk shit to their Jayhawk counterparts after every four yard catch. In short, one team played smart and the other one played stupid. And yes, Mike Gundy, I realize that I am writing this about children who have mothers -- mothers who probably have my blog bookmarked in their Netvibes, and that now you hope that my kids come home crying because they're fat, or something like that. Yes, I realize that I am crap ... and that the administrator of Google who allowed me to register my blog is crap. And you are 40. And a man. A man who coaches a team that should be 8-2 right now, but instead is 5-5. But a man nonetheless.

Now, you have to wonder about Kansas and where they deserve to be if they win out. Right now, it would seem that on the heels of this weekend with Ohio State losing, the best they can hope for right now is a #3 BCS ranking behind LSU and Oregon. I would contend that if that Kansas is able to win out the rest of the way (including the Big XII title game), and LSU and Oregon win out as well, that the Jayhawks would deserve to leapfrog one of them (likely Oregon) and go to the BCS title game. The reasons behind my rationale:

1. Going undefeated through the Big 12 this season is an accomplishment that deserves to be rewarded. Kansas will have taken care of all their business this season, while LSU and Oregon (and everyone else in BCS conferences will not have).


2. If the polls had Ohio State as such an overwhelming #1 before their loss to Illinois, it would seem logical that Kansas, with a resume that would include a comparable schedule at this point to Ohio State's PLUS wins over likely top ten teams in Missouri and Oklahoma (Big XII title game), would deserve a ranking in the top two.

At this point, Kansas is being penalized somewhat for a weak non-conference schedule but moreso for "being Kansas" and starting the season outside the polls (and, in turn, being forced to play leapfrog over teams in front of them). The fact of the matter is also when you look at this Kansas team, they just don't look like a Top 3 team. I don't mean that as an insult, they just don't have nearly the number of athletes that pass the "eyeball test" as do LSU or even Oregon (or Oklahoma State, for that matter). I mean, Brandon McAnderson just doesn't look like a big time college RB. Joe Mortensen doesn't look like a starting middle LB for an undefeated Big XII team. But it works. Because the Jayhawks don't beat themselves and they play with a chip on thier shoulder. And they have a coach who is fat and, therefore, merry. Most of the time anyway. There was that one time he wasn't merry....

But we can forgive that. I've said many times, I like college football more when the traditionally elite programs are the ones vying for the big prize. But I have to say, a BCS game involving Kansas intrigues me. And it's always more fun when the token fat guy is at the party. At least that's what I gather from the number of times I've arrived at parties and people tell me how badly the party sucked until I got there.

GOOD RIDDANCE, OB!

And while the Kansases and Illinoises of the world continue their assault on college football's upper echelon, some traditional powers continue to stumble. If you didn't see it, the University of Miami turned out the lights on the Orange Bowl this weekend, but not before the Virginia Cavaliers decided to show up at the party and drink all of the Canes' beer, eat all of their food, and deflower all of their lady folk. Wow, what a way to close the OB. I couldn't help but take some pleasure in watching the Cavs have their way with the Canes (to the tune of 48-0), seeing as "da U" and they're band of thugs (who doubled as really good football players back in the day) was directly responsible for many hours of therapy during my childhood and collegiate years, culminating with this. The building itself, though, was haunted. As you can tell from this clip, the Canes didn't even need to be present for the OB to suck worse than a torn groin muscle for a Notre Dame fan.

Anyway, while the OB was a cradle of spine-tingling memories for many college football, NFL, and Ashlee Simpson fans, by all accounts it was falling apart at the seams (Mike Patrick actually called it a "dump" during his broadcast last night on ESPN, presumably when he wasn't waxing poetic about Britney Spears) so good riddance, OB! Don't let the wrecking ball hit you in the ass on the way out!

Question though -- is Lamar Thomas going to be as protective of the Canes new house?


SPEAKING OF TRADITIONAL POWERS....

Let me first say that I am a Notre Dame graduate, and I like Charlie Weis. I think he is a good and generous man, a fine representative of the University of Notre Dame, and by all accounts one of the hardest workers in the college football head coaching business. While I wasn't shouting from the rooftops in 2004 for the university to fire Tyrone Willingham, I did think it was a very defendable move and had no problem with it. Anyone who followed the program any closer than watching highlights (the few that there were) in 2004 knows that the direction of the program was headed decidedly downward with Willingham. Recruiting was at an all-time nadir (which is manifesting itself in part this season), talent was not being developed, and Willingham was steadfast in his refusal to make changes to his coaching staff, most notably his bizarre desire to keep offensive coordinator Bill Diedrick, whose idea of "creative playcalling" consisted of fifteen bubble screens per game. Notre Dame was not going to ever get near a BCS bowl with Tyrone Willingham as their coach -- not in 2005 nor 2006 (when they did make BCS bowls with Weis) nor any other season. Never, ever, ever. I will debate this with anyone who would like to do so.

Now, all of that said, what's happening on the field in South Bend this season is a complete and utter disgrace. I don't care if you have junior and senior classes full of two-star and three-star recruits. At Notre Dame, you should not be losing to service academies at home in November. Period. Not in 2007, not ever. We hear a lot about how young this Notre Dame team is, and it's true. A sizable portion of their two deep on both sides of the ball consist of freshmen and sophomores; not coincidentally, most of the raw talent on this team is in those classes as well. (For what it's worth, Weis currently has the #1 recruiting class in the country for next season as well.) However, youth is not an excuse for the number of missed assignments on the offensive line -- not this late in the season against inferior athletes. Youth is not an excuse for putting the ball on the ground a ridiculous number of times; last I checked, they didn't start teaching ball security in college. I do believe there are high school and Pop Warner teams that work on this skill in practice. Understanding the snap count would seem to require mere listening and counting skills, yet watching this ND offensive line you'd think it required a masters degree as well.

Weis has shown he can recruit. He's also shown that he can take experienced talent and show them the way (the Quinn/Samardzija led teams in 2005 and 2006). However, he hasn't shown he can develop young talent. That's on Weis and his staff and has nothing to do with Willingham. The team is 1-9 right now, and I'm guessing they're not done losing yet. Unlike Willingham, I don't expect Weis to stand pat. He's already shown he'll make changes when he let Rick Minter go this past winter, and he hired Corwin Brown as his defensive coordinator. Expect more changes. The question is how damaged is this group's psyche now? And how many of the recruits will jump ship? (None yet, but it's early.) Weis' recruiting and ability to sell the school have bought him time. But there are some serious chinks in the armor now. The clock is ticking....

TIME KILLERS

• Maybe the best Tom Cruise impersonation ever. [I Am Bored]
• In case anyone was wondering whose huddle it is in Boston now.... [YouTube]
• If Mike Gundy were to channel his inner Al Roker. [Wizard of Odds]