Thursday, January 3, 2008

Tuna Era Begins in Miami

The Bill Parcells Era is underway in Miami, and the Tuna has begun the necessary deconstruction that will proceed the reconstruction of this once proud franchise (and frankly, if anyone has caught Mercury Morris' act in the last few months, you might argue too proud franchise). Like any good builder, Tuna is going to be required to tear down the entire infrastructure of this 1-15 crack house before building the 10 bedroom palatial estate. Therefore, exit Randy Mueller as GM and exit Cam Cameron as head coach.

Cam Cameron's ouster makes his act at last year's Dolphin draft party all the more laughable. Remember his unveiling of the Ted Ginn, Jr. selection?

If I may transcribe (my comments in italics):

CAM: "Good afternoon everybody! Hey, we gotta get that thumb to go this direction ... [gives thumbs up sign to fans presumably giving the thumbs down sign]"

(Uh Cam, those aren't thumbs they're raising at you .... )

"Let me tell you about the young man we just drafted .... he's a young man named Ted Ginn, Jr., and we drafted the Ginn family. I've known this family for over ten years. I've watched this young man for a long time."

("We drafted the Ginn family" has got to be one of the most underrated idiotic quotes of all time. You drafted the Ginn family? Really Cam? So what is Ginn, Sr's 40 time? Can Ted Ginn's aunt bring the heat off the edge? How well does his 9 year old cousin run between the tackles? I've been a Steeler fan my whole life and I can honestly say that I don't even care if the guys the Steelers draft even have families. Yeesh, it took this long to fire this guy? He should've been capped on draft day!)

"You're gonna be thrilled every time you watch him as a punt returner, because he's gonna be a great returner for us."

(Yep, they spent the 9th overall pick on a return specialist. To Ginn's credit, he was 29th in kickoff return average and 6th in punt return average. YAY!!!!)

"Ted Ginn and his family will give us everything they have, I promise you that...."

(At this point it was getting tough to transcribe amidst the chants of "BRADY! BRADY! BRADY!" but I think Cameron was once again selling us on Ginn's family, perhaps even mentioning Ted's grandmother's lasagna and having movie night over at Ted's house.)

"I would say this, we're gonna put together a draft class....that's gonna make you proud."

(John Beck ... Lorenzo Booker ... and a couple guys from Hawaii ... awesome.)

So the Cameron Era is over. We raise our glasses to the near perfection of 1-15 and turn our attention to the future. Who will the Tuna select to fill Cameron's microscopic shoes? Well, I'll leave this one to the no-nonsense reporting of Kige Ramsey/Youtube Sports ....

Yeah, yeah I know Kige said "Tony Soprano". Many of the comments below his video indicate he meant "Tony Sparano" of the Cowboys. I beg to differ. I think he did mean Tony Soprano, and that when he said "Maurice Carthon" he meant to say "Michael Corleone". Kige is a visionary who likely sees some value in having fictitious mobsters run the Dolphins. Let's face it, it can't be any worse than Cam Cameron.


Jamestown said...

You give me lulz

JRJ said...

Mercury Morris should be proud. He did have ONE, 1,000 yard season. What? Yeah, for all the bloating and chest thumping Mecury has done, he has ONE, 1,000 yrd rushing season. He has to go on sportscenter talking about himself - no one else is going to!

Maybe Mercury can also talk about his 1982 drug arrest during his next "in my neighborhood" Mr. Rogers' fire-side chat?!

Hey Mercury - go back to selling hair club for men products and let the real '72 Dolphins talk about their accomplishments. We're tired of hearing from a role player!