Tuesday, July 8, 2008

SUNDAY, JULY 6th (Part I) - Porn for the SEC GUY

If you listen to 1560 The Game, you know about SEC Guy. His name is Karol Kenton Kogslotter, and he frequently contributes to our programming on 1560. He is a 60-something family practitioner who lives in Alabama and eats, breathes, sweats and lives all things SEC football, particularly the Alabama Crimson Tide. In SEC Guy's eyes, the sun rises and sets at John Parker Wilson's locker, the WAC and Mountain West don't exist, and Kenny Stabler has been framed by an Auburn police officer on all twelve of his DUI's. So it's only natural that as I drove around the Alabama campus that I would think about SEC Guy and how enthralled he would be by my surroundings. And it's why I entitled this post "Porn for the SEC GUY". I have to believe that he pops in VHS tapes (maybe beta tapes... ok, maybe reel to reel films) of old Joe Willie Namath highlights and gets that "special feeling", kind of like those skeevy pervs when they pull into the parking lot at those 24 hour adult bookstores.

Ironically, one of the first places I passed as I made my way onto campus was a Jimmy John's sandwich shop. Why is this ironic? Well, if you've been following the news out of Tuscaloosa, you know that Jimmy Johns is also the name of an Alabama linebacker who was recently arrested on charges that he was selling cocaine to undercover police officers. To see the actual sandwich shop about a block from the stadium, with an Alabama banner in front of it to boot, was just too perfect. So I had to capture the moment for posterity's sake.

In fact, SEC Guy's most recent effort on the "Sean and John Show" (or as SEC Guy calls it, the Shane and Jacob Show) was his plea for an investigation into the possible framing of Jimmy Johns the linebacker. You can catch this piece of radio brilliance by clicking on the icon below. Trust me, it's worth it.



With the disrespectful-to-the-legacy-of-The-Bear chicanery out of the way, I made my way over to Bryant-Denny Stadium. Now, Lord knows that the gods of college football have given us enough reasons to be the scandals, and the patronizing references to a barely existent "student-athlete" (well, barely existent in many places at least),cynical about the game what with the BCS, but I have to admit it still gives me a tingly sensation in my nether regions when I walk up on a hallowed college football cathedral like Bryant-Denny Stadium. To know that the greats like Jay Barker and Brodie Croyle have slung the rock around that yard, I mean you can almost smell the greatness ... oh wait, that's the bread at Jimmy Johns (mmmm....freeeee smeeelllls .... AGGGGHHHHH ....channeling my inner Homer Simpson). Anyway, it was very cool seeing the stadium, even if it was just the outside.

My next stop was to head to the bookstore and add the University of Alabama to my cadre of tee shirts on this trip. There was only one problem, and it was the same issue that I encountered in Hattiesburg -- apparently, the south has a ban on opening stores with books during the month of July. WTF?!? Did someone pass a law making July Illiteracy Month in the Deep South? C'mon Alabama! I mean, I expect that kind of behavior from Mississippi, but you guys are at least ranked in like the mid-40's in public education (as opposed to, well, 50th like Mississippi). You're better than that. Open a freaking bookstore. Hell, it wasn't just the bookstore. ALL of the Bama gear shops were closed! I'll chalk it up to being a Sunday and assume that there are blue laws in Alabama that I'm not aware of.

So desparately needing a tee shirt, I went to the one place that I knew I could count on ... the one place that has all of your tee shirt needs covered .... 6,000 1560 tee shirts sold .... for all of your sporting goods and outdoor needs ... the right stuff, the low price .... ACADEMY!!! I knew I could count on them!!

On a whim, thinking that perhaps the station is blowing up in Alabama, I asked the lady behind the counter if they had any 1560 tee shirts. When she responded with "1560? Them shirts over there are only 8 bucks! Just grab one of them, save yourself like 10 bucks!!" then I knew that we still had more work to do back in Houston.

We're not quite blowing up in Alabama ... not yet. It's coming though.

So with the Dreamland BBQ ribs still nestled snugly in my digestive tract and rocking my new Alabama tee shirt, I hit the road to head to Music City.

3 comments:

Bryan said...

Nice to see the Bama boys don't need no summer learning! I'm sure K.K. Kogslotter is happy they are working on their football skills which are much more important. And obviously some are also working on their drug sellin... I mean home business sales skills.

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Jamestown said...

looks like a beautiful day in the south.

Andy said...

This is the only part of your trip that has made me sick. I hate everything u.a.t.